Accidental IT Girl
by Sky Cullen-Black
Summary: Bella Swan; known for her thick head and sharp skill, and a fear of poverty, is one of New York’s most savvy paparazzi. That is until she locked horns with Hollywood’s hottest bachelors. Edward Masen; Known for his grammies and looks, hates the papparazzi
1. Prologue

**.:. Prologue .:. **

People hate me.

Some hate me enough to throw there jimmy choo's at me.

People. Hate. Me

Utterly despise me, right to the edges of my foam blue chipped toe-nails.

Whenever I meet people I have feel compelled to say "Hi, my name is Bella Swan and people hate me!" believe me, after trying this once…not exactly one of the best conversation starter.

People hate me, people hate me, peoplehateme.

No I am not doing crack, and I'm not some depressed wall flower, and I'm not chemically imbalanced, I do not suffer from the sad demise of self-pity, and no, paranoid agoraphobe is so last Tuesday.

I graduated in the university of York, I spend every other Christmas eve at the soup kitchen, I have the girls next door look, not metallic slut from fuck ville, not the creepy old lady with the cat and the acorn tree, and defiantly not a -shudder- Politian. Brown hair, brown eyed, totally safe. Like a baby-sitter from friends or your cheery cashier at Wall-Mart.

I go to church every 3 years, I have a toothbrush, I don't stare at couples making out, unless well…there famous. I do know how to bake, I'm still a virgin. And I've never been drunk before.

I am a 24 year old women, I DO give to charity. Once I even gave a pair of prada heels to the poor. Okay poor was my best friend, and no she is not technically poor, but it was Christmas, and boy do those women bite. See? Not all devils where prada. A few people do like me, my friends, my employer (okay yes, I do make him money and we used to date, don't give me that look) my daddy and his toy shop for sugar-high kids, and my mother. Wait no, not that last one.

My mother is a-

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" stupid truck, there goes my burrito.

But people do infact hate me, because I am the paparazzi.

Yes, I am balancing on the very thin line between stalkerazzi and celebrity photographer, sue me.

When I first started out it rubbed the wrong way like…A middle schooler trying on a thong for the first time. I used to write, but then that women who 'raised' me, that

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" ugh, New York traffic, can't live with it, can't live without it.

Left without so much as a "bye Bella, I'm leaving you now because I was screwing some guy who plays 'ball' for a living and am now pregnant" I decided to quit in the one thing that she wanted me to try so hard in and try something new instead.

Meaning taking pictures of people in R situations. But it didn't all turn out bad.

See one day while I was getting my toes waxed, I came to an empathy that they hate my job, not me personally. So if I ever happened to come across a world famous celebrity without my camera then maybe a descent conversation could happen!

Pshhh.

Not that my friend Alice minds, she on the other hand is a gossip columnist for gossip girl. The only magazine where you can keep your dignity while reading because even your friendly neighbour hood bouncer has a copy sitting at his…podium thing-y. so when I get the pictures of a cheating actress, or a heroin addicted actor. She has first dibs on the pictures. Just add a little sugar to the story and BAM! 100 bucks in cash for a nasty plot.

Whih made her filthy rich, almost everyone in Hollywood reads the magazine! I was at the mall once and I overheard (okay, evesdropped) three conversations at Victoria's secret.

**Middle school kids:**

"Like OMGEEE did you see that pic of Edward Cullen in GG? He is so Hawt! Not to mention his hair is so pretty! But like Tanya Denali is such a meenie for cheating on Tyler Crowley with him, Edward had nothing to do with it!"

**High school kids:**

"Like Oh My God! Did you see that pic of Edward Cullen in GG? He is so sexy ! Not to mention his abs are so hot! But like Tanya Denali is suck a slut for cheating on Tyler Crowley with him, Edward had nothing to do with it!"

**Tea party ladies:**

"Oh my goodness, did you see that photo of Edward Cullen is GG? He is tooo cute! Not to mention his eyes are so beautiful. But that bad apple Tanya Denali is a very mean child for cheating on Tyler Crowley with him, Edward is a good boy, he had nothing to do with it!"

Yes I know, stupid Edward Cullen and his stupid glittery-ness Cullen's too shiny for my taste. Anyway what do "tweens" do at Victoria's secret anyway? Oh yes, look for training bras and take pictures of them in the change room to send to there friends with there glittery pink Paris Hilton phones.

And then my other best friend Jacob. Him being 6"6, one of the biggest guys around makes any girl feel tiny and delicate. Even someone who goes by the name 'killer.' sadly he's gay. But he is an abundance of information. A.K.A. my sidekick during a celeb spotting, he knows where you can find the tiniest bit of info on the said celebrity. Not to mention he is an excellent loiterer.

Yes he collects autographs, but is known all around the internet for his collection. No joke. Yes he can go crazy in trying to get a signature of some person who made out with another person on screen right after I got a probably embarrassing picture of the maker outie.

But I love him anyway.

I hav a small flat right smack in the middle of the big apple. Perfect view too. And my lover waiting at home for me, Bi-Bo. The hottest tabby around. Don't you call me pathetic.

Hello, my name is Bella Swan and, people hate me!

Ugh, I need a new burrito.

**Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this, I need 5 reviews to continue! And 20 hits. I'm not very experienced yet, and am only 13 but I can try! The chapters will be much longer and as you can see this is a prologue, there will be some EPOV thrown in but mostly it will remain in Bella's. Please R and R! by the way this is a cross-over with twilight (obviously) and accidental it girl by Libby street. **

**-Sky**


	2. Gay Pride Parade

**.:. Chapter One .:.**

The weather was beautiful. I can't believe it's almost summer, people are already stripping on the streets. Its not that cold anymore, so people don't smell like cold sweat and cigarettes, and its not hot enough to smell the dog pee in the corners and the…cigarettes.

The sky was blue, bluer then the ocean, and the air was actually cl-

"Do you think I have to much facial hair?"

"Give me a minute, you're killing my buzz" I stopped and took a deep breath while Jacob hummed under his breath.

"No, you just shaved" he shook his head.

"I mean in general do I have to much facial hair" we passed by Mark's bakery. The smell of hot gooey chocolate balls wafted through the door. Yes I know, I should be so sitting there right now, chewing in bliss, but I had a mission!

I ignored Jake and walked ahead of him.

"Come on Bells! I just met Kevin, you know…that guy who prints down with the abortion tee shirts, and then does demonstrations in front of the elderly home? Yeah him…ohmygosh! He is theee cutest thing ever! And I need to know, I don't want to gross him out with my hairiness!"

"Jake, how did you meet this guy? You do realize, that one you reach 60...your menstrual cycle _finishes, _so why the hell is he walking around with an abortion sign out of a _seniors_ home? let the bald and the grey have there sex in peace"

"It's the thought that counts, and Kevin is perfectly sane, he even gave me a free down with abortion tee!"

Eye rolling time.

Jacob is a mislead character, he's sweet and charming…but sadly, he always picks the 'rebels'

Or the guy who sorts my mail. Let's just say, after I walked in on them one morning, happily sipping my latte, I make Emmett, the ogre next door, to get my mail every morning.

And he doesn't mind, he gets to do a quickie with Rosalie inside the wheelchair washroom, she's the hot slut who works day and night on 22nd avenue. A match made in heaven. Emmett told me over a spongebob rerun that they were planning on moving to Timbuktu, and opening a cozy little shop that specializes in porno videos called; Rosalie and Emmett's pornos.

Did I mention that they were going star in all the videos?

Beautiful.

But whatever makes you happy!

Back to the subject.

"You're head over heels over 'Kevin' because he gave you a T-shirt! Are you shitting me?"

"Watch your mouth, you little pirate. It's not good form for a woman"

"Oh I forgot, you're a woman too…sorry for being all manly on you"

"Isabella Marie Swan, Do not use this tone with me! I am taking that to the grave…and to think, I was just about to invite you to the gay pride parade!"

"Wait a second, is Kevin even gay?"

"My intuition, it's telling me that he is on the gaydar"

"You thought Edward Masen was gay yesterday."

"Oh my…oh my, my, my, my, my Edward Mas-

"Jacob, do you see her?"

"who, who!?"

"Jessica Stanley, with her two kids…I'm going in"

"You gettem killer"

She was walking to her car, wearing an over sized sun hat and Dolce glasses. Doesn't she realize that her kids were in the paper last week for looking cute in there dresses?

Whatever, as long as I get the picture.

Here's a lesson in photography, her car was an inconspicuous SUV, definition of sports momma, it was parked in the corner of the lot. There was a patch of crass beside it, and the back entrance to Roosevelt Field Mall. I ducked behind dumpsters and trashed up Chevy's

The point is to be lethal, sneaky and quiet. I had those three down pat.

"Okay Jake, few more steps and I got the shot, she's out back of RFM"

Yeah, I even have Paparazzi lingo, tell me your oh so impressed and tempted to bow down on your knees? That's me, queen of the dictionary overthrowers.

"Ha ha, thanks for the tip Doll, Catcha later"

Mike.

Gahh!

The stupid ass cruncher broke into my signal!

I needed to get the picture first!

I felt a shove, I smashed into a Bentley.

I felt rather then saw Mike spit on my foot.

"Too bad girly, looks like I got the picture this time!"

Mike Newton, the definition of repugnant, revolting, repulsive, deformed, foul, greedy, selfish, meanie.

A.K.A. one of the most famous Paparazzi photographers, he's been on the wall of shame downtown 6 years running, until I came into the picture, so now, for the past 3 years…it's my picture up there.

But if this keeps happening…not for long.

I elbowed him, straight in the balls, I guess being short does have its perks…scratch that.

He shoved me again, this time into a Stanza.

Stupid, pudgy, wannabe.

I kicked his ass, literally. He fell forward.

Snorting like the fat pig he is.

His face was pink and oily on the sidewalk.

And the winner is…BELLA! WHOOOO!

I ran ahead of him, to Stanley's car. I got about 14 good shots till she picked up her cell, with angry eye brows. Then I ran the hell out of there.

Another major rule in the life of deceitness, is to never EVER get caught. Then its straight into those unflattering orange uniforms.

I mean, what happened to black and white? Stripes may not be good for my waste line, but they are way more trendy, and the hat is adorable!

I was running like a maniac, the usual stares and 'she's one heck of a weirdo' looks from monotonous bystander, with there cozy jobs at wall street and their, quaint starbuck wannabe coffee shops.

At least I'm doing something good for the world!

Kinda.

"Yo Killer!"

I flipped around…and smashed into a sweating, giant, blob.

Then just as quickly fell on the ground.

Snort "I'll" snort "get you" snort, "Next" hysterical coughing.

"Time Swan, yeah got it. Believe me Newton, if you were going to be beating me, it would have been a long time ago, but sorry gramps, Your not on the wall anymore, and ah…oh! I am. Your career as the champ is over Mike, there's a new girl in town."

-sneeze-

Ugh, mucus…yellowish green, all over the walk.

My beeper…beeped.

Yes I have a beeper, don't comment on that…at least I don't have an iPhone, the definition of…everyone.

Oh shit, I'm late! With my meeting with…Carlisle.

Shoot me.

**Thanks for reading! THERE WILL BE SOME EDWARD NEXT CHATER! Whenever I'll update that.**

_-:-_**Sky**_-:-_


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